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Becoming free of ego to find happiness

This post is an addendum to my previous post titled: "Explanation of the movie Revolver". However I think it is a post in and of itself and so I have posted it as such.

To get to the post about the movie Revolver click here.

The movie talks about ego and by doing so gives us cognition that we are approval junkies i.e we are addicted to seeking the approval of others. It says we are approval junkies primarily because we feel good when we are recognized as special. We think it is good to be recognized as special because it means we have achieved something. It is of course good to achieve things because as long as we keep achieving things we keep moving towards a better life.

This is not a very bad thing at a certain stage of one’s life because it is related to the rule of “self-preservation”. The rule of self-preservation as I understand it tells us to be selfish and protect our own interests in order to protect ourselves. As long as we do this however we keep seeking for other people’s approval. As we become more cognizant of the reality around us we notice that different people approve of different things and so we have to choose what it is that is worth getting approval for.

While becoming aware of the way the world works, we realize that our selfishness should mature into not only protecting our own interests but also the interests of other agents [people, skills, knowledge, etc] in our environment. This is because our lives are intertwined with other things/agents around us and so the more we strive for others the more we are in fact striving for ourselves. [And in this effort we also begin to learn “what it is” that we should ask approval for]

Many times however people “do not” realize that helping other agents is actually in their benefit [so they never wake up!].

For example if somebody hates me and I was to be rude to him or even to ignore him, I would generally think that I am doing the right thing by protecting myself against him! On the contrary if I were to really protect myself against him, then I would have to ensure that his actions do not influence me, in fact I would have to ensure that my enemy has no influence over me of any kind. If my enemy were to really not influence me then I should actually be able to be good to him [because this is an opportunity for me to grow, an opportunity for me to learn how to handle such a person, an opportunity to create happiness around me]. I should [have reached a point] be good to him so much so that I do not feel the need to point out his fault [since he probably will not listen] instead manipulate him so that he is able to figure out where he is going wrong. To be able to manipulate him I would first have to earn his trust, for which I will have to [make him invest in me] react to him in a way that I gain his trust. Once I have gained his trust I can continue to manipulate him to show him what I know.

I would like to pause here to mention what I think is the quickest route to moving from being an approval junkie to being somebody who is “preserving himself” while becoming free from the need for “approval” and so reaches a state where he is “sustainably happy” i.e. is happy within his environment [by having the power to make other people around him happy for example].

The quickest route I think is “to do good for goodness sake”, i.e. to do good because “good is beautiful”. So for example if I were to want to help my enemy [not in order to negate my own ego but] because of the realization that he and I make up a very small microcosm and that there is a much greater macrocosm to which I “feel” connected. And so in helping him, all I would be doing is participating in this “macrocosm” to my heart’s content [My heart beats with this macrocosm and not with the small petty things. These small petty things are significant only as far as they are themselves a part of this macrocosm. We are all thus equally a part of this macrocosm, each one of us just like any one red blood cell in our body!]. If we go about connecting with the macrocosm in this way we would in fact be negating our ego or what little remains of it after continuous practice of this exercise.

However there is one very big trap that we must avoid here!

If one’s perception of good is “unrealistic” then they will only harm themselves and others around them, till they wake up to the reality that will inevitably give them the knowledge they didn’t have.


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Explanation of the movie 'Revolver'

I saw the movie for the umpteenth time last night and I finally got it.

This is what the movie says:

1) In every game and con there is always a victim and there is always an opponent. It's good to know when you are the former so you can become the latter.

2) But the question is how do you prepare yourself for this game?

3) You only get smater by playing a smarter opponent.

4) The smarter the game the smarter the opponent

5) Checkers is an example of such a game. Chess is a better game. Debate is an even better opportunity to learn and so on.

6) But the question is where does the game stop? or one can ask what is the smartest game one can play?

7) The answer according to the movie is: "The game of con you play with yourself".

The text below has been added on 3 Dec 2008 and is based on a comment posted on October 30, 2008, at time 4:12 PM. I have only recently understood what this person meant and it is …

What the journey means to me

My journey so far has been about discovering the meta rules of how the self works. The essence of what I have learnt is that the self can change and in fact does change every time it undergoes an experience. Where any experience is significant because of the meaning it carries for us. It means something to us by the fact: it changes our feelings from state (state a) to another state (state b). Where this movement between states is a process we can call witnessing.  The exercise of witnessing can be powerful and enriching.  In fact if we could communicate what we have witnessed through poetry or through prose, perhaps with the aid of metaphors, we could share these experiences with our family, friends and with the larger community. 
Thus to go in retrospect and search for meaning in the experiences we have had can help us grow mature, become stronger and make us more aware.

My Criteria for my marriage partner

1) She should be a home maker. 10 on a scale of 10
2) I should be able to fall in love with her and her with me … 7 on a scale of 10.

First criteria:

10 on a scale of 1-10 for this criteria because I consider my family my second self. The better my partner will be at making my family the best the better off my second self will be. Who doesn’t want to aim for the best? In accordance with this she should have the best of the characteristics that every home maker should have:

1) Intelligent
2) Practical
3) Ability to take stress and bounce back – agility of mind
4) High level of commitment
5) Principled
6) Caring
7) Want her children to be the best
8) Want to learn how to make her children the best

Of course there is an ideal woman out there who would rank very high in all these areas. But then I have to be practical too. I would want to marry the most ideal woman who is compatible with me. Compatibility is covered in the second criteria.

Second Criteria:

Description of scale:

5: passes the basic crite…