Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Socializing - juggling between distance and warmth

I had never been very good at socializing but then not too bad either.

With my school friends, with certain people, it was like magic. With others it was a question lurking in the background: “but why not with these people?” something I thought about but not too much, I ignored it, took it like a fact of life a question such as “is there a God?” – something that is understood maybe not crystal clear but something that everybody knows somehow, but nobody can clearly explain it.

I am a very warm person but the same recipe didn’t work with everybody.

I was going to meet the crowd but this time I was ready not to feel bad. But what would be different this time? I could hear myself say: "...but what 'could' it be, must be something I have'nt figured out yet."

It was the same crowd a couple of years past, now I don’t feel that bad, I am not questioning myself...there is a 'distance'.

I appreciate this distance now just like I appreciate silence in a conversation. It is something I have taken a while to learn: “It is important to be warm as much as it is important to keep your distance but what is most important is to learn how to choose between the two.”

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