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The reward I got for doing good

I wrote in my previous email about 'getting a kick' out of doing good. I recently wrote an email to a friend. This email is reproduced below and it will show you what that kick was.

It was great to get your request. I personally feel I have tread little on the journey my self. There are people who have travelled it much.

That said, I have discovered a few simple facts that have made my quality of life better. It turns out that as things get simpler so do I.

I have tried to reason things out with myself. It seems that everytime I am honest with myself and give a 100% to whatever I think the next step should be, I get some interesting answers.

The question I keep asking my self is: The world has to be a beautiful place if God made it [I personally believe in God] then why is it not beautiful for me?

The answer is always a beautiful one.

A parallel dialogue in my mind is: "The world was a great place when I was a kid. I still feel like a kid at heart. What then has happened to the world? I just seem lost. I need to figure this out. Every time I have ever learnt anythign it has always simplified things for me. I need to learn enough things so that things get back to normal."

To open my eyes to a more beautiful way of looking at things: I think at the most abstract level and work my way down. At the abstract level things are always more beautiful. But this beauty is always fleeting till you make it manifest in your life i.e. at the concrete level.

I think I have made progress and then people around me tell me I have. But I still have doubts. Doubts about whether such a positive world view is real or in fact imaginary.

The deeper I dig into it the more real I find it and the more imaginary the world I am leaving behind.

At present I have made a tremendous breakthrough. I have managed to leave behind the whole debate whether negativity/doubts have any credibility. I am now taking life a bit more seriously. Now I need to know what is the next right thing to do and do it.

Things are getting better and I know [after this breakthrough] that the actual journey has just begun.

Negativity and Doubts occupy our minds in various forms. They are like an addiction. The way I got around them was that I undertook a "fast" - a fast from non-sensical thinking. It was nerve wrecking in the begining. At times I was consciously trying not to think. Gradually over two or three days all such thoughts were nearly gone.

Interestingly by doing this I have managed to change the way I feel by changing the way I think.

A more structured way of doing the above is called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy". What I understand of it is: Any thing that is bothering you should be put down as a "problem statment". The next step is to break your problem statement down into its component parts and write alternative solutions to these "problem parts". [You already know atleast one answer for each problem part but you are probably stuck with just this one answer. The CBT exercise will help you come up with alternative solutions that just weren't popping up.]


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Explanation of the movie 'Revolver'

I saw the movie for the umpteenth time last night and I finally got it.

This is what the movie says:

1) In every game and con there is always a victim and there is always an opponent. It's good to know when you are the former so you can become the latter.

2) But the question is how do you prepare yourself for this game?

3) You only get smater by playing a smarter opponent.

4) The smarter the game the smarter the opponent

5) Checkers is an example of such a game. Chess is a better game. Debate is an even better opportunity to learn and so on.

6) But the question is where does the game stop? or one can ask what is the smartest game one can play?

7) The answer according to the movie is: "The game of con you play with yourself".

The text below has been added on 3 Dec 2008 and is based on a comment posted on October 30, 2008, at time 4:12 PM. I have only recently understood what this person meant and it is …

What the journey means to me

My journey so far has been about discovering the meta rules of how the self works. The essence of what I have learnt is that the self can change and in fact does change every time it undergoes an experience. Where any experience is significant because of the meaning it carries for us. It means something to us by the fact: it changes our feelings from state (state a) to another state (state b). Where this movement between states is a process we can call witnessing.  The exercise of witnessing can be powerful and enriching.  In fact if we could communicate what we have witnessed through poetry or through prose, perhaps with the aid of metaphors, we could share these experiences with our family, friends and with the larger community. 
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My Criteria for my marriage partner

1) She should be a home maker. 10 on a scale of 10
2) I should be able to fall in love with her and her with me … 7 on a scale of 10.

First criteria:

10 on a scale of 1-10 for this criteria because I consider my family my second self. The better my partner will be at making my family the best the better off my second self will be. Who doesn’t want to aim for the best? In accordance with this she should have the best of the characteristics that every home maker should have:

1) Intelligent
2) Practical
3) Ability to take stress and bounce back – agility of mind
4) High level of commitment
5) Principled
6) Caring
7) Want her children to be the best
8) Want to learn how to make her children the best

Of course there is an ideal woman out there who would rank very high in all these areas. But then I have to be practical too. I would want to marry the most ideal woman who is compatible with me. Compatibility is covered in the second criteria.

Second Criteria:

Description of scale:

5: passes the basic crite…